Red Stripe Beer & Star Filled Skies

Mi casa B4 completion…

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are all looking foward to the new year and all it has to offer.  I know I had a great Christmas and am looking foward to what the new year brings.

I am doing this post to let you all know that I’ll be away for a couple weeks, so don’t think I’ve gone missing (if you care lol).  I’m absolutely looking forward to going home (Jamaica) and spending time with my family.  Nothing rejuvenates my soul, boosts my spirits, and relaxes me as much as this.  I plan on spending my days reading, playing scrabble, going to the beach, hiking to the rivers, enjoying a cold ass Red Stripe beer out on the veranda at night, and looking up at the star filled skies.  Wonderful change of scenery and pace.

Lol, the thing I enjoy the most about going is the quiet of the countryside, I wasn’t happy about our house being built there, but it’s better that it’s not a tourist area.  I won’t have access to internet and as alarming as that might be to some people, I enjoy being free from my technological leash.  You really get time to reflect on what’s most important and the changes you need to make.  The thing I love about island people is that they take their time, I don’t always appreciate that when I’m there trying to get ish done, but when I look at the bigger picture they don’t rush like we do.  They don’t live to work and work to live.  They take their time.

That being said, I am leaving this Friday, January 1st and am looking foward to seeing my family, friends, eating my granny’s and aunty’s cooking, getting that sunshine, and hearing those catcalls.  I’ll try to post at least once, but if that doesn’t happen, don’t worry I haven’t quit blogging, I’ll just be away.  I’ll return with fresh ideas, new stories, new experiences and even a pictorial (maybe).

Please have a safe and very happy new year.  Don’t be a douchesicle, DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!

Nikks :P

Happy Christmas & Prosperous New Year

Happy Christmas

To my blog fam, I’d like to wish you all the happiest of Christmases.  Eat, drink, and be merry.  Please stay safe, warm, and smart. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE, call a cab, a sober friend, or walk damn it.  Don’t throw your lives away.  I appreciate all of you and your comments, feedback, enlightening me, laughing with me, and enabling me to grow and see other perspectives.  I will be spending some quality time with my family and friends and this will be my last post until sometime next week.  I wish you all safe travels, for those traveling, and looking forward to picking up right where we left off.  If we don’t blog and comment to each other during the holidays, have a prosperous new year and talk soon.  I appreciate you!

Ms. Nikks :P

Make Him Feel Good Pt. VI: Happy Xmas

So the gorgeous and talented Goddess Intellect asked on her Friday Freakum post, what the perfect freaky Christmas would look like?  As I began to type my answer, I realized it could be turned into a post of my own, so thank you Goddess for the inspiration.

Materials:

  • R&B Christmas Albums
  • Thick warm blankets and big pillows for the floor
  • Candles
  • Whipped Cream, Chocolate, Vanilla, Caramel
  • Wine
  • Cherries
  • Three Red Bows
  • Mistletoe

Start your perfect Christmas early, make dinner together on Christmas Eve, not you, not him, the both of you, together.  Cook with each other, taste test each and feed each other the ingredients from your fingers, etc.  Get your Brian McKnight or Boyz II Men album out and set up a picnic scene in your living room.  Light the fireplace if you have one, or light candles everywhere.  Have your meal there, no t.v.  Talk to each other, feed each other, kiss each other, and just enjoy each other’s company, no distractions. Turn your phone down or off.  I suggest a replay of Make Him Feel Good Pt. II for satisfying your dessert needs.  Skip the webcam part, just go for the cherry pie scenario.

On Christmas morning, try to be up before your s.o.  Get your red bows, you will need three.  Place a bow on each breast, namely the nipples and one eer down yonder.  Stand in the door way and call for him to wake up.  I’m sure that’ll get you a smile.  Butt naked with bows on, who wouldn’t love Santa for that gift.  Tell him Merry Freakma-I mean Christmas and tell him to come get his gift.  You can be playful and make him chase you, or you could just stand there and let him remove each bow and hold the mistletoe over each revealed “gift”.  The rest is up to you.  Can’t give away all my secrets.  Happy Freakin’ Christmas y’all!

*Cue Music* “Have a holly jolly Christmas….”

Nikks :P

Random Thoughts: Loofah vs. Washcloth

LOOFAH

or      

Washcloth

Can one get her lady parts good and clean by using a loofah?  This mystery has boggled my brain for some time.  I bought one, tried to shower and just didn’t feel clean.  Threw that motha out with a quickness.  So I reached for my washcloth a.k.a rag (fi di islanders) and took a proper shower.  Random thought, had to share.  Heehee.

Make Him Feel Good Pt. V: Stocking Stuffer

Hoe hoe hoe, let your naughty side out for a romp.  Santa’s not real, you don’t have to be nice.  You buy your own ish anyway, so be as nasty naughty as you wanna be.  How about some public love?  A lot of people are too shy to attempt anything outside the bedroom, but come on live a little will ya?!  Make him feel good!

Sorry 4 the shiny flash, I’m not saying I own this booklet or anything *cough*

Materials:

  1. IOU Sex: The Gift That Keeps On Giving…To Both Of You
  2. A car with tinted windows and heat that works, shrinkage could be a problem for those of us who live in the cold!
  3. Your favorite Christmas tune.
  4. Courage for the shy ones.

I recommend you use this as a stocking stuffer if you are going out for dinner at your family’s or friend’s house.  I urge you to insist that he redeem it before you go inside.  This will lead to some fun risqué, thrilling (cuz it’s public and you could get caught) car sex.  You can work up an appetite and have that I know something you don’t know look on your faces all night.  Um make sure the windows are tinted or the streets are somewhat deserted.  Don’t blame me if you get locked the hell up on Christmas night for indecent exposure.  Lol. Have a happy ending holiday!

Nikks :P (Cue music) “Baby all I want for Christmaaaas is yooou…”

Cineplex Night: Avatar

After a crappy week, I went to see Avatar and was very pleased.  I hope it’s successful enough to bring forth a trilogy as promised.  I haven’t seen anything this visually stunning and spectacular in a long time.  Sam Worthington’s Jake Sully character was sexy in all his blue skinned glory #dontjudgeme.

Zoe was great as Neytiri and she had my attention out of all the characters.  She was strong, deep, and believable.  The storyline is nothing new, nothing we haven’t seen before, but I liked the moral of it.  I enjoyed the dialect, the passion the Na’vi have for their home and respect for their environment and beliefs.  Video down yonder…check it out!

Nikks :P

Friday Rundown

This just hasn’t been my week, no sir it hasn’t.

1. I had a soar throat.

2. Migraine.

3.  My gum is so swollen it’s over my wisdom tooth and I can’t chew on one side.

4.  My ear hurts like crazy.

5.  My ear hurts like a mother****a when I swallow liquids (dirty dirty, spits or swallows?) hot or cold beverages.

6.  I have an oversized coach bag that I use as my practice baby’s diaper bag.  My beautiful little Fatima Rex (Fatima because my friend says she looks like a little Somalian child that should be called Fatima.  Rex because my brother convinced my mother’s day care 3 year olds that she is a baby dinosaur, namely a T-Rex).  Anyway her milk was in her bottle, in a ziplock bag, in my coach bag and as my brother is driving us, I smell milk.  I look and my bag is full of milk. FML.

7.  Hmm, my iPhone and Blackberry are also swimming in the milk in my bag.  Little Miss a.k.a Fatima Rex, finds my sighs and muffled curse words funny, because she’s cooing, giggling, and kicking her chubby little five month old legs.  FML.

8.  My iPhone is done, dead, closes casket, #fail, buried.  FML.

9.  The Apple nerds geniuses, let me know they don’t cover water damage.  But um’ it’s milk, I’m thinking of using their wording against them.  Sigh #fail.  I had to shell out $240 dollars for a new one.  FML.

10.  Why am I not rocking in a corner:

  • My blackberry is alive and kicking, thanks to the $40 case I put on that sucker the day I bought it.
  • I’m going to watch Avatar tomorrow and then sneak into The Road (like you’ve never done the two for one nights at the theatre! #dontjudgeme).
  • The anbesol seems to be working, I can’t feel my tongue or my swollen gum.

Goodnight, Nikks :)

Pajamas Are A Horrible Thing!

I travel somewhat frequently and when I do, I go through major airports.  I don’t mind the couple hours delay or wait until I am to board my flight, it gives me time to people watch and wonder where this or that person is going and why.  I also notice the fashion and the way certain people carry themselves in public.  I notice the people heading to the Caribbean just got their hair done, nails DID, outfit is on point, and they look great.  Some of them are a little too extra, if you know what I mean, but they still put in the effort.  I notice those waiting at gates heading to Europe, Asia, Africa, you name it they put in the effort to return home looking sharp.  Canada?!  *SMH*

I know it seems like I’m going in on Canadians this week, but really we’ve got to do better.  This is where I claim Jamaica first. Lol.  So I head on over towards the gates hosting Canadian flights and my eyes are molested by a slew of mofos wearing pajamas. Now those of you who know me and some who don’t, know that I don’t own the horrible things.  I think they’re a nuisance and an unnecessary burden.  They are meant to be worn in your home, in your bed, at night (I don’t understand why, but blah).  The furthest your jammies ought to go is to the front door to fetch the mail and/or newspaper.  Bad enough I had to endure frowzy people in high school classes who rolled out of bed without bothering to change, but international travel?  That’s how we represent?  Get it together people.

I think we should all just have a bonfire with the jammies and sleep naked all the time.  I know it’s winter just about 11 out of 12 months, that’s what an abundance of comforters & fleece blankets are for.  Did I miss the Air Canada memo sent out on golden maple leaves about a slumber party in the sky?

If you want to travel in comfort and style, please go purchase some yoga pants from Lululemon with the matching jacket or an oversized Wilfred sweater from Aritzia.  Leave the pajamas burning in the fireplace at home please and thanks.  Time and a place people, time and a place!

P.S. I do love Canada, really I do.  Apart from this -50 weekend.  Other than that it’s mostly all roses and I wouldn’t trade it.  So don’t get your jammies in bunch eh!

*Cue music* “Oh Canada, our home and native land…”

Nikks :P

Cuz You Got All C’s In High School?

I think most White Canadians would like the world to believe that racism and racial profiling is unique only to the United States, well I’m here to tell you it isn’t.  I remember the first and only time I was called a “nigger” to my face.  I was about fourteen or fifteen years old.  I was walking in the mall with my two friends and a bald headed, white, trailor park, welfare check spending, inbred, and possible clan member male walked by me and coughed up the word “nigger”.  I never looked back, I never let it bother.  In fact, I believe it bothered my two non-Black friends more than it did me.  I knew I wasn’t that word.

Reason for post, here we go.  So my brother got a car from our parents when he got his license, just like I did at sixteen.  He’s been driving for awhile and lately it seems like he can’t leave the house without returning with a ticket.  During the summer he went out with some friends.  He drove his car and another friend, a White kid drove another car.  They parked in an Impark lot which allowed them two hours free parking at night.  As they exited the lot, they happened to spot the parking meter guy watching them as they made their way to the club.  They came back out about an hour later and my brother had a ticket on his car.  Supposedly he went over two hours.  Funny thing is, the car with the White kids, who arrived the exact same time, did not have a ticket.  You can come up with your own conclusions.

Big sis Nik, yep that’s me!  I don’t stand for that kind of shit.  So I called them and let them know who was in what car and who got a ticket and who did not.  You better believe that woman that answered the phone didn’t want to have that talk, she quickly rid us of the ticket and apologized.

So the kid went out with two of his friends this past weekend and on his way home, his windows started frosting up because our parents moved us to Antarctica so he decided to pull over and try to scrape the frost off.  He put his hazards on and pulled over to the side of the road.  A car pulled up behind him, an unmarked car, then lights started flashing.  So cop approaches and asked him why he pulled over.  He let the officer know that his car was frosting up and he pulled over to scrape it off.  Cop asks for license, comes back about five minutes later and hands him a ticket.  The offense? Driving with an obscured view.  Really motha##### because he didn’t just tell you that?  He was already pulled over, he was responsible enough to pull over and acknowledged that his shit was frosted up, so why the ticket?  You can come to your own conclusions.

I myself got ticketed for having tinted windows.  Really, come up with a better excuse than that coppy!  I was driving downtown, it was raining, had my hood on my head, going the speed limit, minding my business.  There’s this car next to me, dudes looking over, I can see out the corner of my eye.  I ignore him and keep going.  He stares at me again.  I switch lanes, he switches and drives behind me.  Lights flashing behind me, I pulled over.  I put my windows down.

Nik: *Takes off hood, shakes hair out, my mother’s listening through my bluetooth!  She’s telling me to be nice.* “What is it?”

Cop: *Surprised, not a suspicious Black male* “Oh, um, ahh, license and registration please?”

Nik: *Speaking sarcastically and slowly* “Okay, I’m going to reach over very slowly and retrieve it!” *In Patois, so cop won’t understand.* “Suh try yuh bess nuh shoot mi!” *Mom in earpiece, “Stop it!”*

Cop: “Go ahead ma’am.”

I hand the bastard my info, he comes back with $130 ticket.

Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Nik: “No!” *Patois “Mi mussi fava Ms. Cleo!*

Anyway he gave me a ticket for driving a new car while Black tinted windows.

Yes profiling happens in Canada, I am fighting this one and teaching my baby brother how to stand up for himself.  Hating ass cops!  I will never ever let anyone discriminate or treat me less than a human being because of the beautiful color of my fabulous skin.  Kick rocks and get bent!  Or in the words of Sarah Silverman, when asked if she knew why she was pulled over, “Cuz you got all C’s in high school?”

Nikks

Do You See What I See?

I watch a lot of movies.  I should be inducted into the movie watchers hall of fame.  If I had a bad day and reading can’t take my mind away, I like to go watch a movie and get lost in that dark theatre for a couple hours.  The smell of popcorn, the m&m’s thrown in the popcorn (I thought it was gross too, but my friend changed my mind), a nice cold coke zero, it’s like a party in my mouth! The one thing I can live without are the little corn fed inbreds teenaged brats, who like to kick my seat and make me threaten to whoop their asses after I drag them out by the hair :) irritated.  Well this isn’t about that, that’ll be some other post I’m sure.

So earlier this year as I sat in the theatre waiting for Harry Potter to start, something popped into my head.  I leaned over and asked my friend:

Nik: “Do you see what I see?”

Friend: “What do you mean?  Do you see someone we know?”

Nik: “Naw, I was just wondering if you see the same things I do?”

Friend: “You mean like the people, the lights, the stairs, that kind of thing?”

Nik: “Yes, but I mean do you really really see them?”

She looked at me with a confused expression.  I guess what I wondered was if she saw the vibrant red of the curtains, the sparkle of the lights like stars in a dim sky? Does the man with the chocolate skin who might be more delectable than the bag of M&Ms in my hand appear to her the same way?  Did the popcorn taste the same to her as it did to me, did the coke zero spill over her tongue, tingle, and flow easily down her throat like it did mine?

I know we don’t all interpret things the same way, but I wondered for a minute or five what it would be like to be inside someone else’s head and see life, objects, and people through their eyes?  If food taste exactly the same to them as it does to me?  Life is beautiful, intriguing, and full of so many delightful things. Do you see what I see?

Nikks :P