Absence Makes My Heart…No Longer

This WTF Moment is brought to you by letters F&G for “FISH GREASE”.  It’s hotter than fish grease in this damn house!  Ironic, I had fish for dinner!  Whew.

Gonna start out by saying this was inspired by a conversation with my boy.  Been meaning to speak on it for awhile and get others opinions.

I’ve  previously blogged about men who can’t stick to their word.  The one’s who say they’ll call you and it takes them a couple hours or days to get back to you.  Irritating right?  Well the thing is it irritates me for only so long.  We all have our breaking points right?  I’m like an elastic band.  You can stretch me for only so long until I snap and sting your ass!

I know a lot of these simple ass men think because you love, care for, and/or are just plain sprung on that good peen that he can treat you however they want to.  You know the ones who you’re pissed off with and when you finally see him or get him on the phone he’s laughing it off and not taking your feelings seriously.  Acting like you’re the Sanaa to his Wesley with the whole Disappearing Acts routine.

With some people ‘Absence make the heart grow fonder.”  With me I’m gonna keep it short, simple, and 100 with you simple ass men, “Absence makes my heart grow fonder no longer!”

I’m not saying I give up that easily on someone I love, but if I just luv you not LOVE you then I’m not going to stress myself out wondering where you, what you’re doing or WHO you’re doing.  That’s not my style.  I pride myself on that ish.  Some call me stubborn for not giving in and calling, but hey, I’m just not that broad.  If I love you and you have a legit reason for always being MIA, we YOU can work on that.  I’ll understand for awhile, but if I’m always on the backburner and you’re always absent then, some sort of re-evaluation of priorities needs to get done.

Some men just need to take the time to realize that they wouldn’t like it if someone treated their mother, sister, cousin, or best female friend the way they treat their own women!  I guess that’s what being a mature, intelligent, male is about it.  Personally, if we give it a month or two after explaining my feelings about your constant absence and things haven’t changed, love or no love…

I’ll straight up MTV NEXT BUS YOU!

So does absence make your heart grow fonder or do you just get annoyed, frustrated, or hurt and move on?

Nikks (insert devil horns here!)

Grown Man 101

“To really love a woman, to understand her
You gotta know her deep inside…”

Bryan Adams’ ‘Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman‘, has to be one of my all time favorite and  one of the sexiest songs ever made.  This song tells a man exactly how to be grown and sexy.  How to recognize when he’s in love.  How to make that woman feel his love.  I think women ought to adhere to the message too.  I find sometimes we want TOO much.  Anyway this isn’t about us women.  It’s about the men.  Lol.

This post was inspired by a Facebook status message belonging to a friend.  It said:

“One question every guy seems to ask over and over again is how can one keep a girl interested in the long term?”

Someone stated the things a man ought to do and I asked him whether he practiced what he preached and this is a part of his reply:

“@Nicole,…I can’t do anything but do what I preach bc I’m not a liar. What would that make me look like if I said one thing but never put into practice what I said or advised? Where I’m from thats a sin! Lol. And to prove my point, my girlfriend tilts her head to the right side when she’s full and then she leans foward and then sighs. How’s that? Or how about when she has something on her mind, she talks a lot and she thinks out loud and she talks about the future a lot and she will always say after every thought “i don’t know”…”

If I’m asleep, I think it’s sexy, not creepy, if he wakes up before me and just watches while I sleep.  I think it’s important that he knows how my smile creeps to the right when I’m up to something, that I grind my teeth when I’m holding my tongue and refraining from ripping someone a new anus, that I frown when I’m thinking hard, not because I’m upset.  He ought to know that I love being alone at times and will disappear into another part of the house, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be around him.  That spending a lazy Friday alone at a bookstore is calming to me and that’s how I take care of my mental health.  He should know that I must always have something in my hands when walking through the mall, like my car keys, cell phone, lip balm, something, my hands must keep busy (I dunno why I do that, but I do and he ought to know it!).

I think if a man knows those things about me, I must mean something to him.  Who pays that much attention to someone they don’t care for.  To know all the quirky little details is to really love care for a woman.  If I found a man who took the time to know me in such a way, to care enough to understand certain things about me, I’d hold on to that man.  Of course he would have to have other qualities and other things factor in, but that right there is major.  I also think us women should aim to give that back to a man also.  We can’t just take and not give back.

“You’ve gotta breathe her, really taste her
Til’ you can feel her in your blood
An’ when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman…”

So tell me have you ever really been loved like this?

If this man practices what he preaches he ought to teach a class. GROWN MAN 101, Pre-requisite Introduction To Common Sense 100!  Minimum pass 95%.  It’s an PHD program, what you expect!?  We aim high, no lie, and you know this….”GROWIN’!!!”

Nikks

Something Borrowed, Something Blue…No, Something New!

My friends and I will stroll through the mall and see Black men with non-Black women.  No matter what, it often runs in our minds, “Why couldn’t he find a nice Black woman?”  It’s a passing thought, flees quickly from the mind, just as it entered.

We recently went on a mini vacation to Kelowna, British Columbia and was amused as it appeared we were the only Black people in town.  The White men seemed to enjoy this.  They smiled, greeted us politely, moved out of the way for us, one went as far as to tip his hat at us and offer up a friendly toothy, “Afternoon ladies.”  We loved it.  It was amusing.  It was different.

My mother called and asked if we were having a good time and I was told her how different and funny it was to be the only Blacks.  She jokingly said, “You three can find some nice husbands while you’re there.”   That same day we went for a drive through town and had taken up the habit of trying to spot Black people and keep a running tally (yes We were that rare).  As I’m trying to navigate my way back to the hotel, my friend yelled from the backseat, “There’s one!”  Alas, we’d found another one.  A beautiful young Black woman holding hands and laughing with a handsome White man.  They looked happy, in love, and carefree.  Made me think for a minute that hmm maybe I could give it a try.  Lmao.  I dunno.  Please don’t take it the wrong way, my family is mixed up with all kinds of races.  An Asian/White/Black grandfather.  Cuban ancestry, Indian ancestry.  We’re like a recipe.  Interracial marriages, etc.  Very open and loving family.  Is it for me, I dunno.  I never say never (lying I do say it sometimes).

So I’m back home on amsn (Mac version of msn, which is crappy by the way) and low and behold my friend suggests a blog on interracial coupling.  Not the typical Black guy with White girl.  Black women with White men.  We see the Black guy with the White girl and we question it.  Lately I’ve been seeing the Black woman with the White man and what do I say, “More power to ya.  Get it!  Good for you.  Why not?!”  I know you all saw ‘Something New’ starring Sanaa Lathan and Simon something or rather!  Loved the discussion on Oprah awhile ago when that movie came out.  Sex with a White man who doesn’t understand not to touch the weave at all, and definitely not in the throws of passion.  He didn’t understand he couldn’t be pulling and yanking on that bish.  It’s hers because she bought it, but it isn’t really hers! Lmao so much to teach him.

My question to you all is, why is it okay for the Black woman to be with the White man and get copious amounts of support from sisters, but when Black men do it, we don’t necessarily hate it, but we don’t support it as easily?  Do we feel as if it’s the ultimate revenge on the Black man who’s passed us up for years?  Does the Black man even care when he sees the Black woman with a man not of her race?

My mother has this acquaintance who is married to a White man and has been for years.  This woman always asks me “So are you dating?”  I respond, “Nope.”  She looks appalled, “A beautiful girl like you, why not?”  I tell her, “I don’t see any suitable candidates around here.”  She leans in closely and whispers, “Have you thought of dating a White guy?” I furrow my brow and crinkle my lone freckled nose, “Hmm, interesting.”  She says, “Honey, they (men) all put their pants on the same way, one leg at a time.  A man is a man!”  Curtains down, she leaves, leaves me with my thoughts.

Have you ever dated outside your race?  Did members of your own race question you or give you a hard time?  Would you do it again?  Talk to me people!

Nikks

After Love

“Can you be happy without being in love?”

That question was posted lastnight by a fellow tweeter on Twitter.  I thought it was a very stupid question, as the answer is so obvious.  So I responded with “Of course you can!”  I refrained from adding stupid to the response, because it dawned on me that not everyone has figured out who they are.

I have experienced love and it did not work out, but that doesn’t mean I’ll never be happy again.  I got over that and I am ridiculously free and happy.  I am comfortable with myself.  I can find a million ways to occupy my time.  I find joy in various things and those things make me happy.  Of course it’s great to be in love and be loved in return, but it isn’t all I am.  I find solace in my friends, in my travels, in books, blogging, sharing a meal with my family, watching a show, walking around butt nekid, because I can and I’m alone.  I’m me.  I’m comfortable with my solitude, I value it in fact.

I know women who are constantly involved with men, change men like they change their dirty thongs, and I honestly think they are the most unhappy women I know.  They aren’t in love with these men, they just are afraid to be alone.  I know women who will meet a man on Friday night at the club, he smiles at her, her draws drop, and he’s moved in.  Obviously their elevators don’t go all the way to the top, another phrase I’ve adopted from a Twitter friend.

At times I question whether I’m being prudish by not just dealing with whoever shows me interest, but I know that’s not my style.  I wasn’t raised that way.  I can’t just mingle and let everyone up in my world.  I want to have a husband one day (MAYBE) and be able to bring him to my home city and hold my head high!  I want him to be able to mingle with other men in this city and proudly point out who his wife is without the other men saying snidely, “Oh I KNOW YOUR wife!”  I’d like to have spawns children and be able to advise them without them saying “You can’t say shit to me, I heard about you!” That would guarantee them getting dentures at an early age, after I’ve slapped their teeth down their throats….someone copy and save this to show to my future children please so they’ll know not to back talk me.

Anyway, yes you can be happy without being in love. It’s all about finding other things in your life and accepting and loving yourself.  One’s happiness, in my humble opinion, should not rest solely in the palm of a man or woman.  We need to take the time to get to know someone, to see if our conversations flow better or as well as our juices when in the same room as the person you’re interested in.  That might save a lot of heartache in the long run.  Love is more than physical, more than a warm body, it’s so much more than that.

Cue Music:  *Exit*

“…I’m stuck in the moment memories of me and you, I could get over it, but I ain’t sure if I want to. So what do you do after love?”  - Diddy ft. Keri Hilson, ‘After Love’

*Pokes her head back in the door* Oh in regards to the song lyrics above, this is precisely the attitude you don’t wanna have!

Nikks

I’ll Get You Next Time Gadget, Next Time

So I’m sitting here in bed, butt nekid, because I don’t sleep in clothes. I read somewhere women should let their lady parts breathe, haha TMI. I know. WTF huh?!

Sorry I have the attention span of a 2 year old…what was I saying? Oh right I’m sitting here thinking about how opinionated I am or bitchy as some of you might love to put it…tell the truth and shame the devil I say.

I am opinionated, I tell it like it is. It’s all in the name of love. If I didn’t love you I’d pop some kettle corn and watch as you self destruct like Inspector Gadget, but lucky for you, I’m just like Penny or am I more like Brain? Either way I don’t wanna watch you get hurt, so I intervene. I know I might seem like a know it all, trust me I am first to admit I’m not. I learn as I go along, but it’s easier being objective when you aren’t involved. I find it easier if you have common sense and are standing on the outside looking in. Those involved in immediate drama or heading down a destructive path never tend to see it until it’s too late.

Just like the bimbo in the movie who’s heading upstairs to check out where the noise came from. You know damn well you’re sitting there screaming at the screen, “F&*%$#* eejit, don’t go up there!” Well it’s the same bloody thing. It’s just happening in real time, in living color like HDTV or something. That’s why I tell it like it is, cuz I can see it clearly.

I’m often not the only one that can see it, other’s see it too, but I’m the stupid, mean ass bitch that will tell you.

People who tell you what you want to hear, well they aren’t your friends. The people who tell you like it is, even when they know they’re risking a friendship, those are the ones to hold on to. Don’t base a friendship off of never having a fight or an argument. If you don’t argue it’s because you don’t care enough to.

Like a dear friend of mine said as I was engaging in this written bitchfest, “Arguing is healthy!”. Thank you dear friend.

I’d like to apologize to those who’s feelings I’ve really really hurt. I meant no harm, it’s simply because I love you and I want the best for all of you, the very few I call friends. Sometimes I have bad taste and you have to pardon me.

“Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.” –Mel Brooks

Let’s go Brain, it’s bedtime!

It’s all love,
Nikks

Je Ne Regrette Rien

I can honestly stand before you and tell you “I regret nothing!”. Everyone that’s come into my life, good or bad, has taught me something about myself and mankind.

I’ve learned who I am in the sense of what I’m capable of and what I’m not capable of. I’ve learned when to fight and when to make peace. When to hold my ground and when to flee, how to love and be loved.

I know what to hold onto and what to let go of. What makes me feel good and what doesn’t. I’m opinionated, kind, caring, there with a waiting shoulder, and comforting words.

I’m flawed, far from perfect. I’m like mother nature in a sense: TEMPERAMENTAL. KATRINA-like fury. I’m impatient (ask anyone who TRULY knows me), but I’m working on it.

I don’t let the opinions of others influence anything I do or how I feel towards certain people. If I don’t like you it’s because I just don’t like you. I will tell you I don’t like you. My gut instincts are hardly ever wrong. I listen to my intuitions.

You reap what you sow, so don’t complain. Everything I’ve done, good and bad, I take responsibility for.

I’m not afraid to apologize and/or admit when I’m wrong or have done wrong. Therefore, I can honestly stand before you and tell you, “JE NE REGRETTE RIEN!”

Cheers,

Nikks

Solace

Hi Grandma *Wave*

I grew up very very Huxtable-esque.  Mommy, daddy, professionals, good life, toys, books, hugs and kisses, tucked in at night, only child until that miscreant brother was born.  Lol I’m kidding I love him.  He’s my baby brother.  Anyway, we grew up well loved, nurtured, and cherished. “Normal.”

I have some wonderful family members, mostly on my mum’s side.  They argue and curse each other out, but give or take an hour and they are alright, all is well with the world.

Then I have my father’s side.  That’s a picture of my grandmother up top, isn’t she lovely?  She’d skin the cutest dog, cat, or child (if one’s available) just because she can.  I’ve never known her to be kind, lovable, cuddly, or gentle.  I remember showing her my report card, she said, “Put it down, I’ll look at it later.” To this day, Cruella my father’s mother hasn’t touched it.  That was grade five.  She wouldn’t let me touch her markers or crayons, actually she accused me of stealing them when I was about 11 years old.  We visit her (I did a couple times) then she calls my aunt and uncle saying, “They didn’t even come see me!  Can you imagine?”  Thank God for witnesses.

Grandparents aren’t supposed to play favorites, but she had her favorites.  All of them but my brother and I.  Actually I lie.  I think she only liked two of them really.  Well wanna hear something funny.  When was the last time she heard from them? Where are they now to take care of her?  Do they ever call her?  I would love to know how they can abandon the woman who loved them so!  When they go home do they go and visit?  Do they spend the night?  It might sound cruel, it might sound harsh, but I’m just letting my cousins, uncles, aunts, and whoever else might care to know…

I know she’ll expire on a sunny day, it’ll be sunny because all will finally be well on earth.  The balance of good and evil will once again be restored.  I will not cry.  I even thought of not attending the funeral, BUT I’ve since thought better of that decision.  This is the part where you lean in and pay close attention.  I WILL ATTEND, BUT PLEASE DO NOT APPROACH ME AND ASK IF I’M OKAY AND EXTEND YOUR CONDOLENCES, FOR MY ASNWER WILL SHOCK YOU.  DON’T BE APPALLED WHEN I RETORT, “OF COURSE I’M FINE, I JUST CAME TO MAKE SURE SHE’S REALLY GONE!”

Also, don’t be surprised if you can’t find me that night.  I will be sitting in the graveyard with a wooden stake in hand.  Because I’m pretty sure she’ll rise again.  I just need to make sure I’m there, good and ready.  If anyone wants to volunteer to sit with me in said graveyard, I’ll be much obliged.

I’m just a little perplexed as to why no one has balls enough to tell this old crow to grow a heart, make right with her family, heal that side of the family, and get her affairs in order before expiring.  She’s well past her best by date.  I would, but I never go visit.  Why should I?  Why won’t her grown ass children sit her down and say “Listen, this has gone on for far too long.  You’ve hurt a lot of people and you need to make it right.  You need to stop this madness because you are far too old to carry in such a fashion.”  Oh I know why they won’t.  Some of them love it.  Some of them embrace being the favorite.  Some of them are power hungry.  ”Look she only talks to me, she only loves me!”  Grow up and grow a pair!  She has no love in her heart.  I’m not even sure if there is a heart in there!

What sticks with me is, the couple people who she can’t stand to love and accept are the only ones interested and actively taking care of her well-being.  They are the only ones who visit often.  The one’s she keeps at arms length and out of the loops.  My daddy and my brother, because I refuse to.  I’m working on being a more forgiving woman, but I’m not quite there yet.  She’s caused too much unhappiness.  Though it’s not something that I dwell on, but today it was triggered by another hurtful thing she’s done.  Funny how life turns out huh?

All I know is, I take solace in the fact that her reign of pain and terror is almost over…wonder if the cousins will show up!?  *Cue music:  OH HAPPY DAY*

Nikks

Musta’ Lost Yo’ Mothaf*****’ Mind!

I’m so peeved, this WTF Moment was brought to you by the leter F for FUCK!  WTF!

Rewind Selecta:

Yesterday I was sitting around eating an orange creamsicle when the phone rang.  I answered politely like I usually do: *Cue Blurry Memory Music*

*Phone rings*

Nikks: “Hello?”

*static*

Male Douchebag: “Hello?  Hello?”

Nikks: “Hi?”

*static*

MD: “What yuh can’t hear me?”

Nikks: “I can now, who is it?”

MD: “Does it matter who it is? Is that how you answer the phone?”

Nikks: “May I ask who’s calling please?”

MD: “Does it matter who’s calling, may I speak to ______?”

Nikks: “May I ask who’s calling?”

MD: “Let me speak to _____!”

Nikks: CLICK!

So it turns out it was the douchebag husband of my fake ass travel agent.  They are acquaintances of the family.  Forward to this moment and the reason for taking it to the blogs!  *WOOSAH*

I’m sitting on the couch enjoying yet another orange creamsicle (Don’t look at me like that, it’s my latest obsession, stop judging me!). So my phone rings, says (insert name of agency here) Travel!  I answer:

Nikks: “Hello?”

Fake Ass Travel Agent: “Hi Nicole, just wanted to say sorry I wasn’t able to drop off the tickets tonight, but I’ll put them in the mailbox tomorrow.”

Nikks: “That’s alright.”

FATA: “Oh and one more thing before we hang up, it’s of a personal nature.”

Nikks: “Very well, what’s the matter?”

FATA: “It’s about my douchebag husband.”

Nikks:  ”Okay?”

FATA: “He called yesterday and you were very rude to him.  You hung up on him.”

Nikks:  ”Where you in the room with your assface husband?  Did you hear him provoke me, did you hear how rudely he was speaking to me?  Did you hear his tone?”

FATA: “I know my husband he would never provoke a soul, we’ve been together for x amount of years and he’s never provoked anyone.”

Nikks: “There’s a first time for everything and yesterday he provoked me by calling MY house, speaking to me as if I’m a child.  I’m 25 years old, not 12.  So I don’t have to stay on the phone and take his verbal disrespect.  If you’re looking for an apology it’s definitely not happening.  He was rude and I was rude.  If I called and asked to speak to him and you asked who was calling and I responded the way he did, you wouldn’t be very happy about that would you?”

FATA: “Well Nicole, there’s a way of dealing with those things.  I’m sure he did not provoke you?”

Nikks:  ”Once again, were you with him at the time of the call?  I am a woman with very little tolerance for bullshit, pardon my French.  That’s how I dealt with it, had I stayed on the phone with him, we’d be having a very different conversation.  I would have said things that no one should hear.”

FATA: “Well okay then, I’ll drop your tickets off tomorrow.  Bye Nicole.”

Nikks:  ”Thank you, goodbye.”

I don’t personally believe I was wrong for hanging up on him.  He should have identified himself when I politely asked who was calling.  This man is the type of arrogant bastard that thinks because he drives a shiny BMW (who gives a fuck?) he can treat people anyway he wants to.  I have never been the girl who’s impressed by that kind of thing.  I can afford my own shit, that’s all that matters.  In the words of my daddy, “Kiss mi ass and lick it across, yuh mussi dyam facey?”  I am that girl who will tell you to suck a dick and tell you “YOU MUSTA’ LOST YO’ MOTHAFUCKIN’ MIND!”

NiKKs

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Hudson gives birth to first child

Hudson gives birth to first child

Jennifer Hudson performed at Michael Jackson’s memorial last month

Singer and actress Jennifer Hudson has given birth to her first child, her publicist has announced.

The Oscar-winning star, 27, and fiance, David Otunga, were “ecstatic” about the arrival of their “beautiful and perfect” baby boy, Lisa Kasteler said.

David Daniel Otunga Jr was born in a Los Angeles hospital on Monday, weighing 7lb 14oz (3.57kg).

Former American Idol contestant Hudson won the best supporting actress Oscar for Dreamgirls in 2007.

Secret pregnancy

Hudson, who sang Michael Jackson’s song Will You Be There at the singer’s memorial at the Staples Center in Los Angeles last month, had previously refused to confirm reports that she was pregnant despite her prominent bump.

Tragedy struck last year when Hudson’s mother, brother and nephew were found dead in her home city of Chicago, Illinois.

William Balfour, the estranged husband of Hudson’s sister Julia, has been charged with murder.

Hudson was a finalist on American Idol in 2004 before appearing in musical Dreamgirls alongside Beyonce Knowles, Jamie Foxx and Eddie Murphy in 2006.

Earlier this year, she won the best R&B album Grammy for her self-titled debut.

via BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Hudson gives birth to first child.

I’m Goin’ In…

Get Right or else!

*SIGH* Why do most of you men have to be so fucking clueless.  I’m not editing anything this time, I’m Goin’ In…for the kill!

First of all when you do something stupid, own up to it.  Grow a god damn pair and own up to your shit!

Secondly, do not flip the script and get mad at the female when she did nothing wrong.  That’s gonna guarantee you a nominee for the BITCHASSNESS Award of the Week!  Just cuz’ it’s an award doesn’t make it a good thing!

Thirdly, did I say grow a fucking pair yet? I mean really, when are you going to act like a grown ass man and get over yourself.  Some of you men get too comfortable.  Thinking you’ve got it like that.

Fourth, get bent.

Lastly, but definitely not least, you make me want to paralyze you from the waste up, not the neck down.  I want you to feel what I’d do to your nuts. Cut em off, roast em, and force feed ‘em to you!

*Singing* “Chestnuts roasting on an open fiiire….” *She walks away wielding a knife*

Nikks, love you long time!